Title: I Won’t
Characters/Pairings: Camren; Camila/Lauren (Fifth Harmony)
A/N: Okay i didn’t proofread this bc im lazy so forgive me if the writing sucks or things are moving too quickly.
I lay in my bed beside Lauren’s, and I didn’t know what to think. I’ll admit, I might’ve wanted to experience what I read at that moment, but I couldn’t. It was such a bad idea to get too into these somewhat hidden feelings I have for her. Look at me; I’m already calling them feelings for her like it’s that serious. Or was it? God, I’m such an idiot. I wanted to push her down on her bed, straddle her, and attack her lips with mine. It’s just my hormones. It had to be. Whatever, I couldn’t let it happen. I feel like if she even looks at me, I’d explode, after reading that. And I couldn’t risk that happening. She’s straight. It wouldn’t be right.
Stupidly, I turned to my left and sat up with the help of my elbow, facing where Lauren’s bed was. I stared at the way the light of her phone hit against her skin. I examined how she bit her lip, maybe a bit too hard, and I watched the way she randomly clenched her bed sheet, probably at a crazy tweet or because she was proven wrong. She hates when she’s wrong. She does this little thing where she has to “discretely” squeeze or hit something, but then joke it off and act like she wasn’t pissed. I then watched her run her hand through the mess of her hair, like she always does every 10 seconds when she thinks she just can’t get it right, when really, she looks incredible. If I were to be honest with myself, even if she wasn’t straight, I’d know I had no chance with her. I mean look at her. Look at how beautiful she looks without even trying. Look at how precious she looks and how painfully and delightfully unaware she is that she does. And then look at me. I’m awkward. I don’t know how to dance and I don’t know how to be sexy. Even when I try, I feel like I just look insane. I never know how to make a choice. I’m too careless and throw my words around like they’re nothing. No way in any world would a girl like Lauren go for a girl like me. No matter how much I wished she could. What is wrong with me? Why am I thinking like this?
“Camz? Camz.” Lauren’s voice interrupted my thoughts. Fuck, did she catch me staring?
She looks puzzled, and for some reason a bit nervous, and asks, “What are you staring at?” And my question is answered. I bury my face in the palms of my hands, and stutter nervously, “I – I’m sorry, I don’t know – I, I zoned out, I just –,” I looked at her and took in as much of her as I possibly could at once and continued, “You’re just so breath taking.”
I immediately shove my face into my pillow and mentally punch myself for saying that. Why the fuck did I say that? Can’t I just take it back? Please?
“Aww, Camz…” I hear her saying, my face still buried in my pillow, “I’m far from that.”
I still didn’t move my head, but I must admit, I was disappointed she didn’t continue. She was probably weirded out I said that right after reading that paragraph from that fic. It must’ve seemed like I liked it, and that’s the last thing I need her to know right now because unfortunately, it was true. Not only did I like it, I wanted it. I wanted her. I gulped, until I felt a weight lay on my bed beside me. She brushes my hair behind my ear, and then whispers to it, “You’re perfect.” I could feel her tremble and the breath of her whisper against my ear sent chills down my spine, before she continues, “You’re everything to me. Don’t forget that.”
“I won’t.” I assure her with a smile, as I lean up and kiss her cheek. I could feel the heat of her body slick against mine, and I just wanted more. I wanted to touch and explore every inch of the beauty that is her body, and I wanted her to do the same.
Snap out of it Camila Cabello. I mentally snapped. This is never going to work. After reading that, I feel like every touch will make me crack.
She smiles while faintly sticking her tongue out. Her hand lingered by the sides of my hair, until she slowly traced her hand down my back and to my waist. My breathing hitched watching her only a few inches away from my face, and I was using every ounce of willpower not to give in and kiss those goddamn lips. What was wrong with me?
She leaned in to kiss my forehead, but I stupidly pulled away. She sighed, “Well, okay, so I better get to sleep.”
She was about to leave, but I pulled her hand. “No,” I gulped, “Stay.”
I watched the grin plastering across her face, as she returned to her place. I turned around, facing my back to her. “Lauren?”
“Hold me?” My heart beat fast and I was definitely terrified about her response after everything.
“Of course.” Her arms made their way around my waist, as she kissed the top of my neck.
I intertwined my fingers with hers, forgetting everything I warned myself. I definitely wanted her. There was no doubting or denying it this time. I wanted Lauren Jauregui. How could someone deny the way she always seems to make me forget how to breathe? Or how she makes my heart race faster than I ever thought it possibly could? Who could deny these butterflies, these quickened heartbeats in chorus with my rapid breathing?
I could feel her heartbeat against my back, and paying attention to the chanting yet addictive rhythm of it put me right to sleep.
My vision blurred in and out as I opened my eyes to some loud snore waking me up. I soon realized that adorable snore was Camila’s. I chuckled to myself, until I noticed the position I was in. My arms were still secured around Camila’s waist, but my legs were tangled with hers, and I could feel the warm skin of her legs against mine, and it made me shiver.
I slightly turned around to pick up my phone on the bedside table, and checked what time it was. 11:30 A.M. I sighed, results tonight.
I didn’t want to wake Camila up. I didn’t want to move, and I wanted to cherish this amazing moment with her. But unfortunately, I had to. Or maybe I should wait till one of the other girls decides to wake us up?
Ugh, no, this was our future I’m talking about, I can’t let it get ruined by the slightest thing just to stay in bed with Camila, which I could do any time. The scary part was, is that I didn’t care about ruining our future. I cared about getting sent home and away from Camila. That was my only concern and the fact that was my only worry terrified the shit out of me.
She scrunched up her nose, and nodded her head a bit in her sleep, and it was possibly the cutest thing I could think of at the moment. I feel like any moment with her was worth it. Even if it ruined everything else, as long as I got to be with her, even for one second, it was worth it. Like I could wait a million years, just for one second with her, and it’d be worth the wait. Because Camila is worth it, and she always will be.
I lightly smiled at the way she peacefully slept, and wanted to stay like this for the rest of eternity. I suddenly covered my mouth. Shit. Morning breath. I turned around maybe too noisily, and popped a piece of mint tic-tac into my mouth. I turned back around and – fuck. Camila looked back at me with a smug smirk and a raised eyebrow.
I shrugged, “Well, shit, you caught me.”
She turned her body to me completely and bit her lip. “Well, that’s not fair. Gimme one.”
I laughed, pulled out a piece, and held it in between my index finger and thumb. I leaned my hand down to her lips, as she pulled it in between her lips, unconsciously sucking the tip of my thumb.
She chewed on the tic-tac, and pondered on a few thoughts that were unknown to me. “Turn the radio on.” She randomly told me.
I obeyed, and turned around to hit the on button. A song was ending, as another began. It sounded like one of those slow songs those 80’s movies would play at an 80’s dance. It started with him singing, “It’s undeniable, that we should be together.”
My heart raced faster than it already was while I looked at Camila. It looked like it meant nothing to her, though, since she continued to look distracted by her thoughts. It made me wonder what the hell went on in that incredible yet crazy mind of hers.
“Change it.” She suddenly said, chewing on her bottom lip. Okay, so she must’ve not liked the song or the mood it was bringing.
I changed the station, and Ed Sheeran’s Kiss me came on. She loved Ed Sheeran, so this must’ve been perfect.
When she realized what song it was, she buried her face in the palm of her hand. “Ugh, I give up.” She mumbled.
“Camz, I thought you loved Ed Sheeran…?”
“I did.” She shook her head, “I do! It’s just…” Her eyes scanned all of my face, and it looked like she was coming up with a lie. “I’m just not in the mood to get out of bed.”
“Then don’t.” I grinned at her, and she grinned back. My hand was hanging loose by Camila’s waist, and I held it tighter. Camila’s cheeks went red as she said, “Results tonight.” I nodded, and she cupped my face as she looked into my eyes, those brown orbs controlling every emotion within me. As great as they are, I knew something was wrong.
“Lo, I’m scared. What if we get sent home? It’s not just about losing the competition, but we’d go home and away from you.” I felt blood rush in and out through my cheeks hearing her concern over being away from me, without the mention of the other girls. “I mean, yeah sure we’d see each other again, but will it be the same? I’m just worried I’d miss—,”
I cut her off interrupting her rant, “Camz!” Her eyes looked into mine, like she was searching for something. Her eyes looked lost. I stroked her cheek with my other free hand and assured her, “No matter what we will always be in each other’s hearts. And that’s all that matters. A wise person once told me worrying about the future was a waste of time.” I winked at her, mentioning what she told me a few weeks ago.
I saw a smile stretching on her face, as I continued, “Karla Camila Cabello, breathe. It’s all right. We’ll be all right, be optimistic and hope for the best.” She bit her bottom lip, as I watched her face lean closer into mine, and I continued, “I love you. You’ll always—,”
This time she cut me off. No, not with words, but with her lips. My eyes fluttered closed, and I felt a shock running through every corner of my chest, as every word I could use to describe this feeling, was non-existent.
My breathing became heavy, as my fingers dug deep into her waist, hers interlocking into the depths of my hair. I tilted my head to deepen the kiss. She took a deep breath, and my tongue traced her bottom lip, asking for entrance. Without hesitance, she opened her mouth giving my tongue the permission to explore her mouth, as she did the same with mine. My tongue massaged against hers, and I heard her slightly moan. I’ll now stop at nothing to hear that again.
Was this really happening? Oh God, please don’t let this be a dream. This was perfect, and she was such a good kisser. We parted lips to catch a few breaths, because oxygen was the only reason I would stop. I couldn’t think straight – no pun intended – especially with her left leg unconsciously rubbing against mine, intertwined with my limbs. I looked into her eyes for a moment, before she pushed me down, and straddled my waist.
My hands traveled up and down her back, then back to her sides.
I didn’t know what this was supposed to be. I certainly couldn’t believe she felt anything for me. Maybe we should’ve only kissed once, or maybe not at all, but I couldn’t help it. I got lost in the heat of the moment, and my hormones might have kicked in. Maybe it was the same for her. But all I knew for sure that I was definitely happy.
She pulled away, and my head shot up desperate for another kiss, then collapsed back down noticing she pulled away even more.
”Lo, what are we doing?” she asked. To be honest, for now, I didn’t really care. But I knew we might’ve regretted it if we don’t speak about it at least a little.
What did ya think? xx